forever till forever meets no end

Saturday, April 21, 2007 @7:40 PM

i guess the che yan wasn't THAT bad. fine it WAS BAD. just not as bad as i expected it to be. wen jun was pro. so was limjie and the ijtp people. but i just sucked my way through the whole thing. no one can deny that. during warm up i swear i was better then when lao shi tested us. damn it. she has concluded that back stuff is my specialty. kong hou tui, altitude, lu tiao. nevermind i think i suck she said they were good only because they were slightly better then the rest of my movements which sucked worse. i need to desperately improve before the end of may. i NEED to improve. i just refuse to go and embarrass myself during nationals this year. especially infornt of ____.

christine = no energy to jump ( when i jump i still look like i'm on the floor)
christine = cannot kong tui
christine = cannot do piroettes ( i fish tail)
christine = cannot ban tui
christine = cannot do a perfect routine
christine = cannot pao/throw and catch ( ball can like totally land on my legs and fly, ribbon
misses my hand, clubs clubbed my head and rope slapped my face and head.)
conclusion: christine = cannot do anything and christine sucks.

i swear the bloody pulled muscle is just ONE of the reasons why i underperformed today. and lao shi said we should not put stress on ourselves and just fang kai and do the routine. my foot. i swear she doesn't have any idea at all how much stress she had dumped on me from the start of this year. her minimum is pauline's standard. she wants us at pauline's standard. insanity. i'm not within the 100000 x 93y22525383836534293837303km radius of becoming pauline's standard. and to top things off, i've put on weight and grown fatter. yay.

i know cheryl and limjie are gonna start lecturing me on negativity, taboo words. etc. but i HAVE to get this out of my system.

damn it. the pressure is on. i'm gonna train everyday if i have to.

whats happening again?!